Category Archives: Happily Ever After

From Prince Charming to Shrek (and in between)

Today I like: Tot Soccer
Not so much: Tot up three times in one night. Tired!

So I’ve talked a lot about female protagonists in traditional fairytales. The passivity, the lack of depth, the focus on the physical, all that stuff. I have two daughters, so that makes sense, but lately I’ve been thinking about male characters. I have a son, too. What message does the Prince Charming archetype send him? How has this image evolved, for the good and the bad, in the male characters popular culture puts in front of our boys?

I’m going to focus on movies, for two reasons. One, because at three my son’s reading habits don’t go much past Green Eggs and Ham. Two, because I’m always trying to buy an hour of entertainment while I make dinner/clean up/do homework with the big kids. In a few years we’ll talk Diary of a Wimpy Kid/Harry Potter/Lord of the Flies, but for now I’m sticking with the not-so-lofty.

All animation roads seem to begin with Disney, and Prince Charming is the original Superman. Handsome, strong, and…well, that’s about it. I’d argue that while he’s more active than the Princess archetype, he doesn’t have much to recommend him beyond the physical. He gets his girl, not by being intelligent or kind or interesting, but by kissing her or kicking some butt (or maybe just finding her shoe, in my personal fav). Speaking of superheroes, Superman is not much better off. He rarely has to do much in the way of thinking (unlike Lex Luther, who’s so much more interesting!).

What does my son learn from these fantasy role models? I know what he does NOT learn. He does not learn to value his own intelligence or the intelligence of women. He does not learn that mind matters over muscle. He does not learn that a lot more goes into getting the girl (and keeping her!) than good looks.

In more recent movies, I’ve noticed a swing in the opposite direction, and I have a theory. A lot of formerly skinny, wimpy guys have become wildly successful CGI animators. They want to give the little dude the spotlight (thumbs up!). They also hope to appeal to mothers who want stronger female characters. So we end up with the “bumbling idiot” example of maleness. I’ve seen this guy in recent Barbie movies. I’ve defended these movies for my girls, but I have one big problem with them. Why, in order for Barbie to kick butt, must Ken become a stuttering fool? I cringed a bit for my son watching Rio and even The Princess and the Frog, where Rio the parrot is a sorry mama’s boy and Price Naveen is a shallow, philandering playboy. The female characters in these movies, ironically, completely dominate the male.

Fortunately, unlike the old Prince Charming/Superman characters, Rio and Prince Naveen are fluid characters. They’re good guys in the end. They grow and mature and make the right decisions. A huge improvement over the stilted, sword-wielding prince of Disney’s Sleeping Beauty. Still, I’d love to see more movies present a unified vision: a smart man and a smart woman solving problems together.

So that’s why I’ve embraced Shrek. Don’t get me wrong, the gross-out humor and gratuitous Eddie Murphy ham-fests get old. However, the Shrek movies do what few other kids’ films manage to do. Shrek and Fiona are intelligent, strong characters that love and stick by each other. Oh, and of course there’s the fact that they are both chunky, green ogres. Bodily functions aside, Shrek is pretty good stuff for the mixed-gender, under ten set.

I’m always searching for positive entertainment for my kids. Stuff that they actually want to watch. It’s a mixed bag…some good here…a bit of uh, oh, there.  I expected to find movies that would harm my daughter’s image of womanhood. I find it surprising, however, that I need to look out for my little guy’s sense of self, too.

What are some of your favorite kids’ movies? Any you remember from your own childhood– good or bad? If you’re a parent, is there one movie you’d just NEVER let your kids watch? (For me– Disney’s Snow White. The ultimate passive, pitiful heroine and cardboard, pointless prince.)

 

 

The Difference Between Us and Them

Today I like: My husband. This post is reminding me of how fortunate I am.
Not so much: Ridiculously expensive high-tech minivan tires

The ring is on my hand,
And the wreath is on my brow;
Satin and jewels grand
Are all at my command,
And I am happy now.

Excerpt from Bridal Ballad by Edgar Allan Poe (1837)

In The Cracked Slipper I examine  a fairytale marriage within the strict social confines of a pre-industrial, patriarchal society. When asked, I describe it as pseudo-renaissance, with Regency mannerisms. So, somewhere in the realm of 16th to 19th century Europe (add talking parrots and unicorns, remove men in wigs). As I’ve said before, I love historical fiction. I also believe in magic :) and have a background in Women’s Studies. I wanted to think about Cinderella in the same way I’ve thought about Anne Boleyn, Marie Antoinette and the Duchess of Devonshire.

How did these women feel about their lack of choices? Did they despair, or were the expectations set before them so ingrained as to be unquestionable? With marriage the one card in play, did it ever meet expectations?

In the days when that storied institution summed up all one’s hopes and dreams, I can only imagine a lot of very disappointed ladies. Marriages to men they hardly knew. Men who turned out to be too old, too drunk, too mean. Men who ignored them or beat them silly or slept with the kitchenmaid. The ring is on my hand…and I am happy now.

What did they do with their sadness? Not much. There was nothing to be done. I’m sure most of them prayed and did what was expected of them. I want to know how they felt about it all. Could Anne Boleyn have fathomed that the man who turned the world on its head out of love for her would kill her when she failed to deliver the much-desired male heir? I can’t ask Anne, but I can create a fairytale heroine beset with many of the above mentioned difficulties. I can get inside her head and live her hopes and frustration with her.

Women today don’t have to rely on love and marriage for our happiness, but that doesn’t mean some don’t anyway. Some still marry for financial security or emotional security. Some marry their first love, only to realize ten years later they should have shopped around a bit. On the other hand, everyone has a friend who “settled” because it seemed like it was time. We let our parents push us toward suitable partners.  A some point we’ve all ignored obvious incompatibilities…convinced ourselves that if we just stick it out, he’ll change. Domestic violence still plagues us. We carry the ghosts of our early years into our adult relationships.

The difference between us and them (meaning Anne, Georgiana and my own Cinderella, Eleanor) is that for the most part we make our own decisions, we live with them and learn from them, and we can get out. We can start over if we make a mistake. So in the end, I love my imaginary world, but I’m glad I don’t live in it.